CeeLo's Hands.

I confess, I admit it: I’m currently obsessed with The Voice. Fine, it’s already had 4 seasons before this one, what can I say? I’m slow to catch on. From Blake Shelton’s dimples to Christina Aguilera’s boobs to Adam Levine’s everything, this is THE new show that makes me happy.

I lean back into our comfy couch with my dogs and my husband and my low-fat caramel corn, and I completely turn off for a few hours. There’s nothing but the slight buzz in my head, the hum of something mindless and easy. All I hear are mostly songs I don’t like and a few that I do. All I see are contestants who Carson blatantly describes as “the single-dad, out-of-work landscaper from Miami” or “the wedding singer with a sad story” but they’re smiling regardless. All I feel is the rhythm of my rooting heartbeat because I’m a viewer who CARES! 

And yet there’s always that turning point, the moment when the show stops being fun and starts becoming a lastima concert. It begins the same way every time, the point in each episode where I can no longer ignore CeeLo’s tiny hands. I try, Lord knows I try, from the second that opening jingle begins, I cover my eyes when the camera’s on him or leave the room when he speaks. I hope for the best. But I never make it to the end without those squished, chubby doll-hands sneaking into frame and bursting my bubble.

Oh, CeeLo, I want to hate you because you wear egregious amounts of fur. I want to mock you because your tacky outfits regularly include a leopard print or sequins. But to tell ya the truth, you’re a sweet kid and you give really nice feedback to the singers and OH GOD how can I turn against you with those shrunken extremities? 

Then it’s all downhill from there. A glimpse of ten, mini, gesturing fingers and I’m back to my busy brain, back to my worries and my hurt and my fears because I realize people will lose. Because in real life people lose all the time. I guess I just wanted The Voice to be a break from the truth. I guess I needed a little pure, lastima-less joy. I guess that’s not possible. Unless someone can please tell CeeLo that wearing leopard, sequined gloves is totally in fashion. 

p.s. It’s almost like a real life version of Kristen Wiig's Dooneese! Now I’m sobbing.