We don’t really use you so much, now do we? We forget. Or we remember but you’re an afterthought. At best, we choose you second.

You’re certainly not needed every time I bathe, or even every time I wash my hair. To finish up one bottle of you, I buy two, sometimes three, of your better half! I regret having to tell you that. I know Shampoo must tease you enough.

Because we’re coming clean and all, I’ll confess: I use Coconut Oil instead. That’s right, sometimes I grease up my hair with baking stuff even though underneath my nails it gets sticky and stuffed. The funny thing is it really makes my locks shine. Then I think, “why ever buy Conditioner anyway?”

I’m sorry.

But walking the aisles at CVS, I reach for you despite what I know. Because I can’t rinse out my lastima for you, for your thickness, for how you try to entice me with a creamy texture that folds out like the top of a cake. Because if all else fails I can use you when the shaving cream runs out. And Coconut Oil could never say that.

p.s. Update: Burt’s Bees was bought by Clorox (boo) and therefore might not be cruelty-free! Check for a list of humane products, pretty please.